Healing is a daily endeavor. A daily activity. Like the cocaine addict, the workaholic, the sex addict, even the sugar addict – healing is a daily choice. Yes, a choice. It’s much easier to continue our walk through this life oblivious. Carrying on as we always have is easier. It’s easier to dismiss the pain. It’s much easier to ignore the gnawing, the invisible hole felt deep inside. It’s easier to stay married and get through the years because we are playing the martyr. It’s even easier to remain single & give up on the idea of having the type of love we see on the screens or in public. Holding onto anger, resentments, hostility and continuing to push away our true feelings & emotions becomes easier by the moment. I too have had the feeling of not wanting to let the past come up to the surface in fear that I would not be able to move past it. In my twenties, I was under the impression I healed and dealt with my pain. I was pretty sure I had accomplished the goal of not allowing my past abuse to dictate my present. It wasn’t until I was well into my 30s I realized I had not. Not that I didn’t overcome. Not that I didn’t persevere. Not even that I didn’t process some of the pain I felt. I did do all of that. I was under the impression it was a one and done thing. I would process the pain and then bury it deep into the soil. I wouldn’t think about it, relive it, replay it or bear that pain again. I was so very wrong. This type of pain has a mind of its own and decides on its own when to resurface. For those who have not dealt with the kind of pain I describe or have also “successfully” buried their own pains, it seems like a failure when we are unable to cope or unable to keep the past at bay. When our pain swells up into the present moment and doesn’t allow us to continue playing our roles as well. One of the hardest lessons for me has been to work diligently and daily on me. Instead of looking at healing as a destination or singular life activity I must switch to the healthier lifelong journey camp. It’s not ideal. It’s not even fair. It just is. Forgetting the pain isn’t healthy. There are lessons we can learn in each circumstance. No, not that we created our abuse or decided we weren’t strong enough to prevent it, but that our world is not monolithic. There is ugliness and hostility and rage in our world. There are those who are disadvantaged and those that aren’t. We do make daily decisions with regard to how we choose to walk through our days. I choose to speak up and speak out. I choose to not keep secrets for others any longer.
Free Yourself By Being Your Best Self ♾